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learned

Ladies we’ve been given a crappy education about our pussies.

We’ve been taught that our vagina are for someone else or to relate to our vagina is just to experience intense cramps when Aunt Flo visits once a month.  Other than that ignore, numb out, forget, disregard, fear, and disconnect with that space in between your thighs.

As feminine beings, having a connection to your vagina is not valued due to cultural and religious agendas.  Knowledge of the full female anatomy has been pushed off for ages. In 2005, a research study was published giving a comprehensive account of the anatomy of the clitoris that included a 3D MRI image of all the parts of a female erectile network.  On top of the lack in physical and muscle structure, there are also the important pieces about the powerful energy she has, and how hormones play a part. I was drawn to each piece little by little for over a decade.

I also feel the backlash of history with my pussy as a woman of color.  Not just that story of womxn’s bodies being devalued and overpowered, so that we learned to numb out, freeze, and have our voices negated.  But also that people of color weren’t humans and yet at the same time were seen as temptresses and natural-born Jezebels with a somatic siren call.  That black womxn were strong and couldn’t feel pain (see this recent research study from 2014). Part of the injustices with slavery is what happened with black womxn bodies.  Countless rapes. Countless violations. Countless overpowering. The OB/GYN field of study started with experiments on black womxns’ vaginas without anesthesia and without consent.  My pussy cried when I learned that. Both of these pieces, the old conscious about womxn’s bodies and this historical reference as a woman of color, are my reasons why it’s important for me to reclaim my connection to my pussy.

Was this part of me that was so private and internal supposed to be a mystery to me?

Was this part of me that was so hush hush supposed to be an elusive connection that others could access but I couldn’t?

Was this part of me that was dangerous, wrong, and forbidden?

Part of me.

Because my pussy is part of me, a part of my body, I decided that I had every right to get to know her.

It started with a mirror and my hand.  

I literally remember that I didn’t have an image for her at all…..just a space or a zone down there.

When I saw her for the first time, it was like looking up at someone across the room that was there all along.  

I noticed her shape, her color, her smell.  For me it was like beholding a jewel because in my eyes I wanted my connection to be one of love, not degrading or devaluing her.

Then she started to talk to me.  Pulses, juices, her open and close, and her “yes” and “no”.

So no matter what you’ve thought or felt about your vagina, here are some tips to help you reconnect.

  1. Naming

What you call your vagina is important, so ask her what she wants to be called.  Do you want to reclaim pussy? Does she like yoni, which means “sacred space”? Does she like to be called Goddess?  

  1.  Look at her

Get a magnifying mirror and look at her.  Start at the pubic mons and let your eyes wander down.  Notice if your outer labia is an innie or an outie.  Notice the color. Does she look like a particular flower?

  1.  Do something special for her

Wear those panties that feel good and cute to you.  Trim (or not trim) your hair the way you like it. Do a yoni steam with natural herbs.  Explore your turn on.

What’s your connection with your pussy?  Let me know in the comments.