How to let go of fear being judged, and stop caring if you trigger people

I’ll be honest with you this is one that still pops up for me though it’s not as strong as it was a year ago when I first became a sensuality + mindset coach.

“I really like sensual embodiment AND I really get to help other people with it too???”

“Is it ok to be this bold and talk about sensations, breast/womb/pussy connection like I talk about any other hobby I have that I get excited about?!?!”

“Won’t someone call me out on being inappropriate or make some comment about my value as a woman?”

I’m in a different place now, and with more mastery under my belt I want to share the shifts that helped me to get here.

1. I listen to myself even more.  I tune into my body to see what I’m needing, feeling, and desiring.

2. I follow through and give to myself to what I want to nourish myself

3. I recognize that when others are triggered that I am not responsible for their response, reaction, for emotions.  It isn’t my job to take care of them for save them.

4.  I recognize that triggers show us what is ready to be healed and released, so that we can embody what we can be who we are meant to be.

I feel a warmth in my chest that I get to show up and be in my truth, and the impact that can have for others without any harmful, button pushing instigation.

I choose to show up fully me in my magnetic, radiant, full expression instead of a diluted, disempowered version of me that operates out from a place of fear.

Showing up as myself is an invitation to you to show up as yourself in your magnetic, radiant, full expression.

Have you felt afraid of being judged for embracing your sensual embodiment, or scared that you’d trigger someone?  I’d love to talk with you in the comments!

How to Create a Sensual Space

We have been eating, sleeping, learning, and being in an environment that supports being in your head, being stuck in anxiety where your love, acceptance, and approval are in the hands and hearts of others, and where perfection is ruler of them all.

As people if we desire a change in ourselves, we can rely on two things.  Internal resources and external environment.

Waking up to a space that connects you to yourself is done with intention.  Here are 4 common questions that I’ve asked myself when creating my sensual space.

  1. What colors do I want to see?
  2. What textures do I want to feel?
  3. How do I want to move through the space?
  4. What scents do I want to smell?

I realize that not everyone has the same living situation that I do.  I have my own space that I don’t have to share. If you do share your space with your partner/family/roommates, I have a couple of suggestions for you.  

  • Start with one part of your space.  A desk. A closet. A nightstand. Your bed.

  • Collect a few things that make your space more sensual and keep them in a basket or container and bring them out during your sensual practice.

What’s one thing you love about your sensual space?  Tell me in the comments.

What I’ve Learned in my Pussy Immersion

Ladies we’ve been given a crappy education about our vaginas.

We’ve been taught that our vaginas are for someone else or to relate to our vagina is just to experience intense cramps when Aunt Flo visits once a month.  Other than that ignore, numb out, forget, disregard, fear, and disconnect with that space in between your thighs.

As feminine beings having a connection to your vagina is not valued due to cultural and religious agendas.  Knowledge of the full female anatomy has been pushed off for ages. In 2005, a research study was published giving a comprehensive account of the anatomy of the clitoris that included a 3D MRI image of all the parts of a female erectile network.  On top of the lack in physical and muscle structure, there are also the important pieces about the powerful energy she has, and how hormones play a part. I was drawn to each piece little by little for over a decade.

I also feel the backlash of history with my yoni as a woman of color.  Not just that story of women’s bodies being devalued and overpowered, so that we learned to numb out, freeze, and have our voices negated.  But also that people of color weren’t humans and yet at the same time were seen as temptresses and natural-born Jezebels with a somatic siren call.  That black women were strong and couldn’t feel pain (see this recent research study from 2014). Part of the injustices with slavery is what happened with black women’s’ bodies.  Countless rapes. Countless violations. Countless overpowering. The OB/GYN field of study started with experiments on black womens’ yonis without anesthesia and without consent.  My yoni cried when I learned that. Both of these pieces, the old conscious about women’s bodies and this historical reference as a woman of color, are my reasons why it’s important for me to reclaim my connection to my pussy.

Was this part of me that was so private and inner supposed to be a mystery to me?

Was this part of me that was so hush hush supposed to be an elusive connection that others could access but I couldn’t?

Was this part of me that was dangerous, wrong, and forbidden?

Part of me.

Because my pussy is part of me, a part of my body, I decided that I had every right to get to know her.

It started with a mirror and my hand.  

I literally remember that I didn’t have an image for her at all…..just a space or a zone down there.

When I saw her for the first time, it was like looking up at someone across the room that was there all along.  

I noticed her shape, her color, her smell.  For me it was like beholding a jewel because in my eyes I wanted my connection to be one of love, not degrading or devaluing her.

Then she started to talk to me.  Pulses, juices, her open and close, and her “yes” and “no”.

So no matter what you’ve thought or felt about your vagina, here are some tips to help you reconnect.

 

  1. Naming

What you call your vagina is important, so ask her what she wants to be called.  Do you want to reclaim pussy? Does she like yoni, which means “sacred space”? Does she like to be called Goddess?  

 

  1.  Look at her

Get a magnifying mirror and look at her.  Start at the mons and let your eyes wander down.  Notice if your outer labia is an innie or an outie.  Notice the color. Does she look like a particular flower?

 

  1.  Do something special for her

Wear those panties that feel good and cute to you.  Trim (or not trim) your hair the way you like it. Do a yoni steam with natural herbs.  Explore your turn on.

What’s your connection with your vagina?  Let me know in the comments.

The sensuality paradigm and why you should care about it

 

My paradigm for sensual embodiment is how I see sensuality show up in my life and my clients’ lives on different levels.  Those levels are your mind, your heart, your body, your energy, and your soul/essence.

Let’s start with your mind.  Sensual embodiment is seeing yourself with eyes of love.  It’s what you think about yourself and how you talk to yourself.  Are you words and thoughts building you up or tearing you down?

Next your heart.  Sensual embodiment is experiencing the full spectrum of your emotions as well as the intensity.  It emotional honesty in the moment from feeling happy receiving a gift to feeling irritated with when your needs aren’t being met instead of stuffing your feelings down.

On to your body.  Being tuned in to your body is noticing whether there are parts of your body that feel tense or loose, heavy or light, constricted or expansive, open or closed.  Describing things in relation to body language is probably the closest that many people get to connecting to their body, but noticing sensations is a layer deeper.

Energy, energy, all around (points if you recognize what movie that’s from!) and energy is in YOU.  Energy is : flowing and vibrant or clogged and lethargic

Soul: you. your essence and uniqueness.  the fact that you exist now in this time and space, with the experiences you’ve had, are having, and will have.

Sensuality is a way of being in your mind, heart, body, energy, and soul/essence through your senses.  I think Merriam-Webster says it less eloquently by defining it as “the condition of being pleasing or fulfilling to the senses” and on top of that society has reduced sensuality to sexuality.

The five senses have a way of anchoring us to the present and feeling more physically and energetically.  For example, let’s say I’m at dinner and I ordered a key lime martini. I bring the key lime martini to my mouth, notice the aroma, take a sip and notice the temperature of the chilled mixed drink in my mouth along with citrus, cream, and sweet flavor, and feel the slight burn down my throat as I swallow it.

Now why should you care about it?  Because this is the key to you being the confident, sexy, powerful, badass version of yourself that you’ve been looking for.  The woman that owns her sensual embodiment has fun and feels good regardless of if she’s working on her business or having the time of her life after her work hours are complete.  That woman is fully expressed and can weather her emotions, and she always makes her way back to the goodness that she is fully supported and the God/Goddess/universe/inner guidance (whatever floats your boat has her back.  That woman has close community that laugh with her and hold her when she needs support. That woman is playful whether she has a partner(s) or not, and has reclaimed her sexuality (again, whatever that looks like to her). That woman brushes aside the guilty thought on spending money on a luxury train ride through Europe.  She believes her desires are good and she doesn’t have to earn them or be enough.

So tell me, are you that woman?  These are things that I help my clients with, and if you have decided you want support in being that woman, then I want to talk to you.  Book your discovery call here.

Killer Confidence and Feeling like Beyonce

I know you’ve met her.  The cool and confident girl that feels so sure of herself.  That doesn’t seem rocked by what others say about her. She wears what she wants and her style is so her.  She looks people in the eye when talking with them. She has faith that things will work out. She’s expressive.  Her delight, happy, anger, and sad faces are seen at one point or another.

I met her in middle school.  I was friends with her.

And even though you ate lunch with her, had classes with her, and hung out outside of school.  You just didn’t have what she had.

Insecure.
Not worthy.
Not enough.
Too much.

I get.  I really do.  

The difference from then to where I am now as a sensuality + mindset coach is now I know her and “her” is me.

Here’s 4 things to get you on the road to having killer confidence and feeling like Beyonce!

1   Look Within

You are loved, supported, protected, and worthy because you are.  You have a soft, luscious form of a body and as far as I’m concerned a woman’s body is the 8th wonder f the word  Believe it and if you don’t right now set the intention t believe that truth and act like it.

2  Become the playful observer

If you don’t believe and/r feel confident and empowered AF, why not?  No judgement if you don’t or are having an off moment. Ask if the doubt, insecurity, worried, or anxious thought is so true and written in the sky.  (Hint: This is the part where you say “no, it ain’t”). Ask to see it differently.

3  Name it

Name the qualities about yourself that you love/enjoy/appreciate.  Tell the voice that says, “h that’s nothing special” t pipe down because anything that adds goodness is something worth seeing, appreciating, and celebrating  Can I get some praise hands?!

4  Embody it

How do you adorn the sensually embodied, confident, sexy version of yourself?  What is she feeling? What does she decide to do with her turn on? My current situation is messy, playful curls, a beautiful red pedicure, and lounging while watching an episode of Queer Eye and feeling fun and full of faith.  Go embody your version lady!

Which tip do you want to try the most?  Tell me in the comments!