Killer Confidence and Feeling like Beyonce

I know you’ve met her.  The cool and confident girl that feels so sure of herself.  That doesn’t seem rocked by what others say about her. She wears what she wants and her style is so her.  She looks people in the eye when talking with them. She has faith that things will work out. She’s expressive.  Her delight, happy, anger, and sad faces are seen at one point or another.

I met her in middle school.  I was friends with her.

And even though you ate lunch with her, had classes with her, and hung out outside of school.  You just didn’t have what she had.

Not worthy.
Not enough.
Too much.

I get it.  I really do.  

The difference from then to where I am now as a sensuality + mindset coach is now I know her and “her” is me.

Here’s 4 things to get you on the road to having killer confidence and feeling like Beyonce!

1   Look Within

You are loved, supported, protected, and worthy because you are.  You have a soft, luscious form of a body and as far as I’m concerned a womxn’s body is the 8th wonder of the world.  Believe it and if you don’t right now set the intention to believe that truth and act like it.

2  Become the playful observer

If you don’t believe and/or feel confident and empowered AF, why not?  No judgement if you don’t or are having an off moment. Ask if the doubt, insecurity, worry, or anxious thought is true and written in the sky.  (Hint: This is the part where you say “no, it ain’t”). Ask to see it differently.

3  Name it

Name the qualities about yourself that you love/enjoy/appreciate.  Tell the voice that says, “now that’s nothing special” to pipe down because anything that adds goodness is something worth seeing, appreciating, and celebrating.  Can I get some praise hands?!

4  Embody it

How do you adorn the sensually embodied, confident, sexy version of yourself?  What is she feeling? What does she decide to do with her turn on? My current situation is messy, playful curls, a beautiful red pedicure, and lounging while watching an episode of Queer Eye and feeling fun and full of faith.  Go embody your version lady!

Which tip do you want to try the most?  Tell me in the comments!

When the heavy pendulum swings too far to the masculine

If you run a business at all, you’re probably operating in the masculine a large portion of the time. What do I mean?

No matter what your biological sex is, we all have masculine and feminine energy inside of us. We’ve all heard the story about the two wolves inside of us, good and evil, and the one that wins is the one we feed. The masculine and the feminine inside of us both need to be fed. However, sometimes one needs to be fed more. Some of us operate naturally more in the masculine while others in the feminine.

Masculine energy is known as the side of us that deals with processes, always doing attitude, left-brained, more likely to take risks, protective container,  etc. The feminine energy is the energy responsible for understanding, the right-brain, compassion, calmness, openness and sometimes chaotic energy, and a nurturing connection. As womxn, we’ve sort of shifted too far into the masculine energy while we try to balance every single thing whether we run a business or not.

When we are operating at an optimal level, we are in harmony with our masculine and feminine energy. Unfortunately, the pendulum has swung too far and I know it because the cultural story is on repeat and that story does not value, cherish or love the sensual. Culturally, America values hard work, directness, practicality, and efficiency.

As Americans, we plan our days down to the minute. We frequently ask people upon first meeting them what they do for a living and for whom they work for. We pre-plan our leisure activity with the hopes that the limited leisure time we do allow ourselves will recharge us to be better workers when we’re finished. When we are “resting,” we usually are thinking about tasks at hand in the future. When we travel and take a vacation, we even fill the time with activities. There is no space for idleness anywhere. As a culture, we have shifted too far into the masculine and have ignored the feminine.

In order to achieve that self-actualization, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy, we must recognize where we fall in the masculine energy spectrum and attempt to change it and restore harmony into our lives. For some, this may be the first time you’ve ever thought about your masculine and feminine energy. This may be the first time you’ve ever thought about balancing the ebb and flow of the two.

When we are in harmony with ourselves, we can impact real change. If we, as a societal whole, started to focus on balancing our energies, imagine the change we could impact. Here are some ways to tell you’re off balance.

1. Super – mom / wife / friend / etc
As womxn, we want to be super at everything. With Pinterest and Instagram, we have created an added pressure to be perfect. We have to make organic snacks, have a great career that is flexible, hot body, a great partner, DIY EVERYTHING and more. We have to be able to show the world we’re everything to everyone. We need the perfect brunch outfit with our girlfriends so we can get that perfect photo for social media.

But here’s the thing, when we try to balance all the plates we have given ourselves, we break the plates. Something has to give.

When we’re running around in superhero mode, we’re operating in the masculine too much. We’ve let the pendulum swing too far for this one.

If you’re busy being a superwoman to everyone, it’s time to take a pause and do something for you. It’s time to add some feminine energy back into your life because you’re running on far too much masculine which is a recipe for burnout.

2. Lack of boundaries
Have you ever seen the John Crist video about how Christians say no? In the video, he offers 17 ways for Christians to say no. Why? Because we as a people tend to forget to set boundaries. The feminine energy that our culture does value is that of service until you break. You’re supposed to serve others at our own expense and that comes from a lack of boundaries.

This is especially true of my fellow CEO babes. We have this tendency to give out our cell phone numbers to clients. We answer emails at all hours. We answer clients on weekends. We check social media religiously in case of a lead. We set out to create a business of freedom but end up setting no boundaries.

If you’re feeling like you need to be constantly connected and feel resentment toward others because you have a lack of time, you may be too far into the feminine energy, Boundaries are a traditionally masculine energy trait so try adding some masculine energy into your life and watch your happiness flourish.

3. People pleasing
In relation to number two, we tend to live in a world of people pleasing when we’re too far into the feminine energy. Let me be clear, there is an unhealthy way to people please, and a healthy way aka when it’s done with delight, a spirit of generosity, and from a place of abundance. Naturally, there is an interchange of giving and receiving between people where the needs of both are being met (even in compromise). There has to be a compromise because if there wasn’t we’d live in a world where nothing was ever able to happen because we’d all be too selfish to progress.

However, there is a time when people pleasing because unhealthy. Check your intentions whenever you are giving in to others requests. Is the need to please said person coming from a place of lack or abundance?

Just like with everything else in the world, I ask that you focus on what feels good. If you’re so focused on helping others because you don’t want others to be upset, lack self-love, etc. then it’s become an unhealthy problem. You’re helping others but doing yourself a disservice and when you’re not your best you, you cannot truly help other at the highest capacity.

You have to focus on what feels good. If serving others and people pleasing is coming from a genuine place of caring for other people, go for it. Do what feels good to you.

4. Over-controlling
We must all be controlling in some aspects. If we were in 0 control, we’d be newborn children. Everyone has the gift of free agency and with that comes the ability to control certain aspects of our lives.

When we strive to over-control, that’s when we are operating at a detrimental level. If you feel like someone would describe you as a micromanager, you’re feeding too much of your masculine.

For some, it can be an impulse, they cannot help themselves. They cannot help themselves because something else is off balance.

Be vigilant for moments when you seem to try too hard to exude control. When we’re in these moments of over-control ask yourself why? What are you truly afraid of if you relinquish some control?

It is important that we break the cycle of operating in the masculine. America was built by men who relished in the masculine energy and it was made for men who continue to thrive in the masculine energy. It is not made for people who feel. It is not made for people who care about what makes them happy. In order to truly thrive in this culture, we must first recognize our own needs and where the energies are not balanced. Once we’ve created harmony in ourselves, we can help others find their own harmony.

I know I personally have lived in a world of masculine energy. In 2008, I was the queen of anxiety. I lived in a constant state of stress because I had no balance. I was all masculine all the time and it was fucking exhausting. If you’re dying to know how I overcame the masculine energy and created harmony and how you can do the same, book a free discovery call. I cannot wait to talk to you.  Book it here: Discovery Call